200 Starter Point

I'm starting at just over 200 (200.2 to be exact). I started yesterday on my eating right, working out craziness and I'm serious this time. I'm sick of being sick, mentally, physically and all around. I need to get fit. So today, I did the following to "workout" but had fun doing it:

• Swimming with the kids
• Working out with the kids for 15 minutes (lunges, sit-ups etc)
• Nice half hour walk with the kids (slow, and many stops but it was nice and I sweated because of the intense 95 degree weather)
• And I just got done with working out some more while watching some TV. I was sitting on the couch and watching it and thought, I could be doing something with my time instead of just sitting here. So I worked out. I came up with my own crap and just went with it. If I felt a burn after a few reps, it was all good. If not, I switched. 

I stopped drinking soda yesterday and that was a big mistake. Going from a mass amount of soda a day to absolute nothing was rough. I had a full day at school yesterday (12 hours) and was in pain all day long. I thought it was a cramped neck from stress, ended up being caffeine withdrawal headache. That sucked. I also had 6 exams to take along with it.
I'm going to keep going. My waist is at 47.25" right now. I'm doing a 6 week measure on my birthday! My goal is to loose 5 pounds a week for the next 6 weeks, I'm fine with not making that goal but I would love to. If I give myself a good fight, I can't say that I didn't try!

Keep on doing good for you! 

Having a Day

I'm having a day...
My children were very fussy today and were arguing, not listening and causing a tornado all day today.
I finally had enough and at 8pm, threw their tiny butts into bed.
I love my kids, I really do; tonight though, they wanted to put Mommy in the loony bin!
I did however, with the help of my wonderful sister, get my husband's and my oldest daughter's biological father's gifts done for Father's day. They are absolutely stunning. I'm so excited. I know both of the guys will love them.
My house is semi-clean (the upstairs is a mess due to me preparing for next weekend's garage sale). I'm way behind on my studying for coming up tests, I'm starting to get a little overwhelmed.
On top of it, a friend of mine was screwed out of money by his roommate and I had to cover for a bill that he was going to pay. I'm broke, and it's this douche bag's fault. Everything in me wants to yell at him for not being a responsible adult and screwing him out of the hundreds of dollars that he owes him. Because now, it's affecting my family and I.
I haven't had much to eat today, but I have no motivation to do any workouts. Maybe I will while I watch some TV. Just a little yoga or something.
I'm ALSO mad because for years, since I have met my husband, I have been trying to get his ex-wife and the mother of my step-son to step up and be a real mom. She has failed at this all around. He now has failed Spanish I for the 3rd trimester and may not be able to play football (something she is pressuring him about doing) this fall. I'm pissed. When she runs off to another state to be with her husband, I help him with his homework, studying etc. I make if fun for him. Do you think I remember anything except for the dirty words in Spanish? Hell no, but I use my resources to help him and he ALWAYS EVERY SINGLE TIME has gotten an A on either the assignment or test that he took that I helped him with. She is too busy getting drunk and fucking one man after another to pay attention to her son. I'm steamed. I obviously just found out about this.
God Damnit!!!!!

Judging

I saw a disturbing status today from a family member. She was ripping into the neighbors for letting their children scream and run around on the sidewalk and was saying she was a better mother because she doesn't let her son act like a fool. So this was my response. I cannot stand judgmental people. NOBODY has a clue what is going on in another person's life. NOBODY has a clue if their child or that person has gone through something very traumatic in their lives and that is the reason they act that way; feel that way; etc. You don't even know if your own spouse is hurting sometimes. Nobody understands that the smelly kid has been taking care of his alcoholic mother who has had the power shut off for a week and he hasn't had running water to clean himself. Nobody knows that the child is acting out and the mother is doing nothing because she is spent with her 4 children and has horrible depression. Nobody knows that a perfectly normal looking child actually has no clue what is going on because he has brain damage from being abused as a child. Everyone may look normal on the outside, but everyone hurts. Everyone has their own individual pain. You don't know my pain; I don't pretend to know your pain. You are not perfect. Stop thinking you are. I could judge you on how rough you are on your very well behaved child just for running around and being free. I could judge you on how rude you are to everyone that tries to be your friend. I could, but I'm going to keep my mouth shut. Because you probably hurting more than I am; and I don't know it.

A Woman That Just Cannot Behave

There is a woman in my family's neighborhood that is UNBELIEVABLE! This will be a long blog because I am furious and just need to vent; otherwise, I may having a screaming match with the woman. 
First, this woman doesn't know how to behave. Her maturity level is lower than most 12 year olds. It scares me that she is a mother and what they are going to become with this bad influence around. The neighborhood is filled with children. They run around and ride bikes. They have fun on a Friday night. All is innocent, all is kind. Sure, sometimes a friend or two might have a disagreement, but that is a kid for you. She just doesn't understand that children should not just lock themselves in their bedrooms playing video games and doing drugs. When I was a kid, we were outside, every day, playing, getting muddy. She doesn't seem to grasp that concept. Children used fowl language and made just as poor decisions back in my younger days as they do now. My brother for example, can be a tool. I remember being just as much a tool. The WORST word that has come out of his mouth is the "frick". I yelled at him for it; he doesn't understand that I don't want my 4 year old to repeat that. He apologized and watches his mouth around them. But in a world of growing up with drugs, sex and the word Fuck every second of your life, I think he has come out pretty good so far. MY PARENTS ARE WONDERFUL PARENTS! One of the best pair of parents that you could ever meet. They have made their mistakes, I have been their guinea pig on some issues; I've accepted it. I try to be the best mother that my children could ask for, and I hope I can succeed; but I will also make some horrendous mistakes. 
New section of this subject. My sister. She is the sweetest, most insecure and sensitive chicklin ever. She has always cried at the drop of a pin, and will always make you smile when you want to punch a person. She has the most hilarious laugh that you can't help but laugh with. I remember when she was born (I was almost 10 years old) and I remember all the memories of her. That was the age that I decided that I want a baby of my own like her some day. She was such a wonderful little squirt. Today, she is growing into a beautiful young woman. A senior this coming fall, she has more talent and beauty than most people can show in their lifetimes. She is an amazing photographer, and I give her credit for it. She picked up a piece of crap camera 2 years ago and never stopped. Then she "borrowed" my nicer camera and never gave it back. Today, she takes pictures of just about everyone and everything and can make cigarette butts look like art. It's amazing. Sure, she has room to grow, even Bill Gates has room to grow; but her talent at such a young age astounds me. I never think to take my children into a studio because I know they could never capture what she is capable of. 
This "woman" called my sister's photo "trite" one day. She wrote her opinion in a sea of "wonderful's" and "Amazing's". This set me off. This woman, who thinks she is an amazing goddess of photography because she took a college course told my sister that her photography is trite. That was my first impression of her, and I continue to grow hatred toward her every day.
Next, she called my baby brother (who just turned 12) a thief. Now, I have had my children steal something unintentionally at stores and I have never thought they were thieves. When I worked in retail, I used to get embarrassed mothers bringing their children in to tell me that their child stole something; I understand. It's called ID (simple psychology). My brother, however, never had anything to do with this "mix-up". She continued to tell my father that he intentionally stole this stupid, piece of crap, Walmart toy. She's a bitch. Simple enough. 
Another incident is when my neighbors (people I have known for over 12 years and went to school with) had a wedding. My high school friend was getting married and they had the wedding in her backyard. There were cars EVERYWHERE! This was nothing compared to when she graduated by the way. When my family was trying to peak at her dress, this "woman" was calling the cops because of all the cars parked in the neighborhood. LAST TIME I CHECKED; the neighborhood had public parking. You park where you want. In yards, fine. In your driveway, fine. In the street, great. They weren't bothering anyone but this "woman". She has nothing better to do but to complain because her life isn't that great. So the cops were called. The cops told her that they were fine and parked legally. Did my family mind that their front yard was filled with a million vehicles? Absolutely not. Was it sometimes annoying to try to get out of our own driveway? Probably. But they left it be and were happy for my neighbor because that was a special day for that family. But "woman" just couldn't let it go and shut her fat assed mouth. What a great memory for my neighbor's wedding day. Oh yea, we had a wonderful ceremony then had some cops show up and we had to pause the festivities and offer them an egg roll to apologize for wasting their time when they could have stopped a rape or murder. Dumb bitch. 
Next, Memorial day. The neighbors were having a good ol' time shooting off some fun fireworks. This was the first year that our state has legalized fireworks that make noise and go in the air. They were having some good, safe, and legal holiday fun. She had to, again, be a bitch and call the cops on them. Ruined everyone's good time. Believe me though, I have some BAD ASSED FIREWORKS that will be shot off hard core all night 4th of July in my parent's front yard!
Next, she had our neighbor's cars towed away because THEY WERE PARKED OUTSIDE HER HOUSE IN THE ROAD!!!! I'm sorry, she rents. She doesn't own the street. I have never even had to ask the neighbors to move their cars in all the years that they have been parking them in front of our house. I have also parked my van outside their house because there was no parking. The audacity of that woman! She cost the neighbors a lot of money because of parking legally? I've had it.
Now, she is saying that my sister cannot even look at her children. I must say, her children are adorable (don't know how that happened) and my sister has put up with her shit (calling sometimes crying over what she has said to my sister) for a long time because she loves her children. She has now come to the conclusion that she can longer put up with the stress, anxiety and awkwardness of being around this "woman" and finally broke ties with her. She was scared, asked for help, so we all stood by her as a letter was written to this "woman" and told her that this can no longer go on and that their "relationship" was an unhealthy one and it's time to let go. I'm proud of her. There is nothing we wanted more than to have my sister break ties. I'm sick of seeing her hurt constantly. Woman, check your face because your nose is in someone else's business. 
So, to Andrea. If you ever come across this blog and see what I have wrote, I'm writing the truth. You are a menace. You are INCREDIBLY un-liked in the neighborhood and everyone wants YOU (not your husband or children) to move. SO do us all a favor and when your lease is up, move to a secluded part of the world where you will have no neighbors and no one to talk to so you never have to burden anyone else with your insecure, anti-social bull shit. Your opinion has never been accepted, wanted or needed. Your big ass on the street is blocking my view of the your children (that will be hit someday by a car because you can't stay in your damn yard with them). You can try to shelter your children from the bad influences in life; but you being the worst of them, they are screwed. You can try to make everyone be just as miserable as you are in life; but we will continue to be happy and HAPPIER because you are no longer in our lives. No, we will never be completely secure in our happiness in that neighborhood until you are far and gone away from this neighborhood but at least nobody is talking to you. 
You have made every person in this neighborhood dislike you, loathe you and want you gone. Congratulations, you have no friends. You have nobody to call to help you move a heavy object; you will never get a tray of amazing egg rolls that the neighbors made an overabundance of. You have alienated a whole neighborhood from your bull shit drama. Fighting with teenagers. Mature. I hope you never talk to my sister again. My family again. IF I ever hear of the cops getting called on some bull shit again, CPS will get called about your neglect with your children in the road. IF you ever talked to my sister, I will call the owner and tell him how much of a menace you are to our small society. HE CAN have you removed for it. I've had it. This neighborhood is still my neighborhood, no matter how old I get. This house will always be my home. This means war. You screwed with my wonderful neighbors and my wonderful family for too long and I cannot stand it anymore. I'm a pit bull, and I will bite. Just all in all, one last thing I have to say to you:

FUCK OFF!!!!!!

Sucking

Sucking.
Boy am I sucking.
I'm not eating right; downing soda like crazy and not working out. I know I said no excuses but I have a slight one. I have been having these quick dizzy spells. It'll feel suddenly that I have instantly gone drunk and then I'm back. It's very interesting but a little nerve wracking. Maybe I'll try harder tomorrow. I have to try harder.

Issue with a friend

So, riddle me this:
I have a friend who is a lot like me. We get along wonderfully and I love her kids. Her husband and husband's side of the family is starting to get under my skin though.
She talks about how she never has any friends. I get that. I also don't have many friends that I can hang with because they all live so far away. So she has little girls that are just slightly younger than my three. I thought I finally found a good friend that I could hang out with here in my town. Boy am I starting to see that there will be some people I'll have to bitch slap to keep this friendship going.
First, her mother-in-law. For some stupid reason, she doesn't like me. I never did ANYTHING to this woman but adore her grandchildren and be a friend to her son and daughter-in-law but for some reason, she has a bone to pick with me and I'm about ready to put her in her place. She bitches to my friend that she spends too much time with me, that she never gets to see her grandkids anymore because she's always hanging out with me. FIRST, I see them maybe once a week. And SECOND, you have plenty of time to see your grandchildren! I'm not stopping you from that! My kids only see their grandparents 1-2 times a month! And it's not even for that long! Get off it! God!
Next, her husband. He seems to like me, we laugh and joke around when I'm around him. But when she wants to get out of the house for just a bit (sometimes as short as a half hour) he throws a hissy fit. Yesterday, she dropped me and my children off at the house. She was gone from the house for maybe 30 minutes and he calls all ticked off because she was taking forever. Seriously? You aren't working right now, and if you are a father, you should be able to handle your children without your wife holding your hand every step of the way. LET HER GET OUT AND BE AWAY FOR A FUCKING HALF HOUR! If we need to go grocery shopping, just let us go! I'm so sorry that you cannot handle being with your own children for a few hours. I'm so sorry that your children are getting in the way of you doing nothing. But if my husband pulled this bull crap on me and got on my crap about getting out of the house for a few hours with my friends, I would have to lay it out for him.
My poor friend has 4 children. They are 3 months old, 18 months old and 3 years old. She also has a son that is 7 that was shooken by his biological father when he was a baby and is now brain-damaged and needs a caregiver every second of every day. I would have lost my mind by now, but she has sacrificed her whole life for her son and her 3 daughters. The right thing to do would be to get her out of the house and let her just be her! We even took her son and my youngest daughter out grocery shopping once and he had a fit about that. I think it's bull shit, I think my friend needs to start standing up for herself and lay down the law because I'm sick of it. I like her husband, but I'm about ready to go rounds with him. This is starting to piss me off. Not only is this family trying to keep me from having a friend to relate too, they are stopping her from having ANY life. And that pisses me off more than anything. My vent for the day.

Screw this noise

So, today started out as being a wonderful day. I took my three girls to the park and had a blast with them. Then we went to a garage sale and went to the local pizza joint for ice cream cones (I did not get a cone!). We came back to rest, went out for a swim and had a wonderful dinner. Then a phone call. Another stress bucket in my life. One more piece of shit drama that I always have to deal with. My husband called to tell me that the landlord is saying something completely different than what we discussed a few weeks ago. I don't need this trouble right now. I wanted to have a completely wonderful, stress free day with my children. Instead, I'm having one anxiety attack after another.
My freaking St. Bernard also decided to go swimming in mud and is a mess. My children are not listening suddenly and it's really taking a toll on my system. I really want to just get a vacation. Nobody bug me, nobody call me, nobody bitch to me about how I'm not doing something right again. I don't want to hear it!
I know that this is a very negative blog, but I'm done. I really need things to start going right for once!

Rough day

So, today was a little rough. I managed to only have 3 sodas today (for me, this is a huge feat!) and I ate pretty decent. My daughter had a pancake breakfast for her last day of preschool and that was a little rough but I manged to stay under 1500 calories in total today. I also went for a nice walk with some friends. One of my friend's kids cannot walk and has a wheelchair. I pushed him for the most part, with my youngest daughter on my back in one of those backpack things. We went to the lake and had a little fun there, then decided (not by me!) to go the back-way to get back to her house. I pushed Aden in his wheelchair up a gravel, pitted hill and managed not to die! I was sweating like crazy but could tell that I got a good workout. All around, not the best workout day, but a lot better than sitting on the couch! TurboFire starts tomorrow! Pray for me on that one! It kicks my ass! NO MORE EXCUSES!

I did it!

I actually did it! I did my first Couch to 5K with my St. Bernard, Tank. I have figured out that he is an absolute pain to go running with! He kept crossing in front of me and wanting to go after anything that moved. I think some training is in his future. He better get better because I need a running buddy to go with me! But I did it. I didn't give up. I made it. Thank goodness!

NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!

Day 1:
I've had an epiphany tonight! I no longer want to be fat! I keep making excuse after excuse as to why I will start another day, and I'm done! NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!! I even tried to make an excuse to start working out starting Monday because my TurboFire doesn't start until Monday. Screw that! I'm going to start tonight! I'm going for a run! See you later! Starting weight is 201 pounds. My goal is 140. I'm doing this, I'm doing this, I'm doing this!